Embracing the Suck
As a 41-year-old elder Millennial trying to break into late-stage social media, there is a lot of suck. As someone who has only been professionally trained as a lawyer trying to break into the entertainment (and *cringe* dare I say content creator) industry, there is a lot of suck. BUT, I am so passionate about this project, so buoyed by this small but incredibly generous audience, and just generally having so much fun creatively, that it’s like the fire of inspiration just won’t be dampened no matter how many obstacles I encounter.
The pilot episode of this little web-series managed to come into being despite my having no prior experience in acting, directing, casting, costuming, producing… you get the idea. The learning curve was steep and always humbling, but my insanely talented DP and I managed to create something we’re both immensely proud of. As soon as I got comfortable writing traditional TV episodes and then filming them, it became clear the project was ready to pivot. The cost of filming plus the difficulty of managing schedules when this was not anyone’s full time job (except sort of mine) forced me back into the space of filming short form content on an iPhone. Additionally, I need to grow an audience if I can ever hope to turn this project into something self-supporting, so I pulled up my big girl panties and thought to myself “how hard can it be”?
Well, it ain’t been easy. Growing up during the time of dial up internet has not served me well for creating those zippy and engaging Gen Z edits, neither has my Southern shuffle nor my tendency to use 200 words when 20 will suffice. In other words, I’m slow. I like writing and watching traditional long form that takes a minute to engage you, and that horse just won’t run on TikTok.
But, here’s the thing: there have been times in my life where the overwhelming amount of unknowns and things I need to know but don’t and things I need to learn but maybe I won’t ever be able to would have stopped me or at least paralyzed me. And for whatever reason, I am oddly intoxicated by how hard it all is. Every time I learn a new editing hack or have even the smallest epiphany about what works on social media, I feel empowered and like I am getting somewhere and gaining ground. “I’M OKAY,” I shout at the sky! And, then that video that took me 7 hours to film and 10 hours to edit gets 7 total views. (See below video entitled “Bev moves in” that I never actually posted, so the 7 views are my husband. Consider yourselves insiders because you very much are.) “I’M NOT OKAY,” I sob into my perimenopausal ice cream binge.1
But, damnit, by the next morning, I’m always okay again, which brings me to…
Embracing the Good (a bulleted list)
As annoying and toxic and damaging as social media is, you can teach yourself how to do *almost* anything. <Googles “How to remove my IUD?” Okay not everything.>
As terrible as social media is, it’s also the only reason there’s any possibility of collaborating on any sort of scale with an audience and community, which is the whole thrilling point of this project.
I get to have fun collaborating and putting on wigs and laughing until I cry with my friends and call it a job.
I’m sniffing out every weirdo within a 50 mile radius and tagging them to play with me. So far my hit ratio is 99%.
Do you remember where I casually mentioned above that I’m now COMFORTABLE writing and filming television episodes???
There is a list a mile long of things like writing and brainstorming and shooting and editing that used to absolutely paralyze me that I now do on a daily basis without so much as a second thought.
^^^^^^That one again.^^^^^^^^^
Do you remember where I said I’m writing and filming television episodes even though no one but myself has ever said that about myself and it is exactly one episode that appears only on the internet?? Imposter syndrome? She gone. And, I don’t miss that bitch at all.
In the heady rush to create as much as possible and “spray and pray,” you have to let go of perfectionism…
… and worries about being cringe…
… and time to really care what other people think at all.
And, that’s been made easier by the fact that my GORGEOUS audience of 200ish souls has given me nothing but overwhelmingly positive feedback.
Every day I’m doing something creative that I love + one of my biggest problems is social media = a life beyond my wildest dreams.2
OMG I know Gen Z hates us, but thank you for letting us listen to your music because it is so much FUN, even if it does require several Google searches. <What is shoegazing? Is being a Brat good? Pink Pony Club near me.>
I know there’s more, but I’ll save it for future notes because this one is starting to feel a little um… chaotic! And, that is just the entire vibe these days, and I’m embracing that too!!
Thank you all for joining me on this adventure on any of the ways you are inspired to.
Do I get the sense that this ludicrous emotional roller coaster that results from caring so much about the outcome of social media posts is gently nudging me to detach from outcome altogether? Yes, yes I do. But, that’s also HARD, okay?!
I need to paste this on my mirror.
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
I am here for this raw vulnerability and how you are JUST DOING THIS THING! You are hysterical and I know one day I’m going to say I knew her when she was just a wee Theta pledge 🪁⭐️⭐️ 🫡